It’ll improve your work life, love life and your mental health 

Question: how well do you really know yourself? You might know what frustrates you or what makes you laugh, but are you truly in synch with what makes you tick? Because it probably changes all the time, so if you don’t partake in regular personal inventories, you could be cruising through life at half-mast rather than reaching your full potential. 

“Engaging in ‘reliable’ self-reflection may help to shape a more accurate picture of ourselves – our behavioural style, our tendencies, idiosyncrasies, our strengths and weaknesses may become clearer and blind spots may be uncovered,” explains Jan P. de Jonge, psychologist and founder of People Business Psychology Ltd.  

“As [author and Harvard lecturer] Cass Sunstein says, we all crave and need happiness, a sense of purpose or meaning and psychological richness. Self-reflection encourages us to recalibrate and if done properly, can give rise to a renewed sense of energy, creativity and appreciation for our goals and aspirations, as well as reducing the chance of judging others and acting as a guardrail against greed, unhappiness and boredom.” 

To start your self-reflection, you need to find time to pause. You can’t reassess when you’re running on autopilot and your nervous system is on high alert. Instead, carve out moments when you can take stock and get honest with your wants and needs, whether you’re in alignment with them or you’re working to out-of-date patterns, old habits and behaviour that isn’t serving you well. 

3 reflection routines to try: 

1. The Gibbs Reflective Cycle 

If there’s someone’s name in a methodology, you know it’s going to be scholarly. Developed by Graham Gibbs in 1988 to provide a structured approach to reflection, it continues to be used today as it provides an easy-to-follow six stage structure.  
 
“It still holds up because it’s helpful for problem-solving and great for people who like a process,” says Jo Irving, holistic empowerment and transformation coach.  
 
“The 6 stages walk you through… 
 

1. What happened? 
2. How you felt? 
3. What went well or not? 
4. Why it happened? 
5. What you learned? 
6. What would you do differently next time? 
    

Ideal for those who wish to improve their leadership skills or analyse situations in a working environment because of its prescriptive process, it can however feel too scripted and time consuming for those who like a more intuitive or reflective approach. 

2. The 3-2-1 Method 

Quick, effective and ‘tweakable’, the 3-2-1 method is simple and can be a good starting point for self-reflection newbies.  
 
Just jot down… 

• 3 things you learned from an experience 
• 2 things that stood out or surprised you 
• 1 question you still have 
   

“It helps stop overthinking and when done consistently it really adds up. You could also try 3 wins, 2 challenges and 1 intention for the next week; or 3 things you’re grateful for, 2 things you’re releasing, 1 thing you’re calling in,” suggests Jo. 

3. Non-analytical approaches 

If you’re a lateral thinker, you might need a different reflection routine that’s more holistic or creative. A good place to start is journalling. “It can be as freeform or structured as you like so you could journal about your day, reflect on a specific event or use prompts like ‘what am I grateful for? What challenges did I face today? What was the best part of my day? But be sure not just to simply list items, instead take time to explore the thoughts, feelings and motives behind them and how they connect to your values or relationships,” advises research psychologist, Dr Emma Palmer-Cooper. 

Not one for journaling? Why not voice note says Jo: “It can be a great tool for neurodivergent thinkers or those who process best while talking things through. EFT (tapping) is another favourite of mine for emotional regulation, clarity and release or even things like values lists or mood boarding that can help you zoom out and see the bigger picture.” 

Mindfulness and meditation are other different avenues to self-reflection. If you need a starting point, follow our guide here or try candle meditation where you focus on the flickering flame to stay focused. Depending on what you want to address, you could also enlist the help of someone else. “Understanding how you feel takes time, energy and a certain daring if you want to confront an issue or underlying dynamic. A trusted friend, coach, mentor or even parent can sometimes be helpful as often the insights and perceptions of others can help us gain a better understanding of how we relate and impact those around us and how our behaviours and identities are perceived by them,” says Jan. 

What are the benefits? 

“We all have habits we live by where we stop noticing both the joys and the pains in our lives but as expert coach Julie Starr writes: To go through life not dealing with emotions may mean that emotions may deal with you,” forewarns Jan. Essentially, by studying your actions and reactions, thoughts and feelings, you’re essentially working towards improving your emotional intelligence which will give you brownie points in every aspect of your life. 

“In the workplace it can help identify what motivates you, how you collaborate with others and what might be holding you back,” explains Dr Emma. “In relationships it enhances empathy and communication as by considering how your words and actions affect others you can navigate conflicts more constructively; and for mental health, numerous studies have shown that positive reflection are associated with decreased symptoms of depression and anxiety, improved wellbeing and greater lie satisfaction (Carr et al. 2021).” 

How often should you self-reflect? 

There is no right or wrong here. You could check in with yourself daily, weekly or even give yourself monthly reviews. The last thing you want is for it to feel like a big task on your to-do list so don’t give it a strict time limit or frequency. Once you start seeing the benefits it will be more of an incentive to make it habitual. In fact, a Harvard Business School study found that employers who reflected daily improved performance by 23%. 

What if you experience negative feelings? 

It’s never easy to confront difficult thoughts and negative feelings or emotions, especially when feelings of shame, regret or discomfort ensue. This is where you need to take a ‘self-distanced perspective’, says Dr Emma. “Imagine yourself as an observer or seeing what you’re experiencing from a third-person point of view which will help you process your emotions and avoid rumination or overthinking which can impair problem-solving.” 

“Reflection isn’t about perfection, it’s about presence. It’s not always pretty or tidy – sometimes it’s messy, raw or emotional but it’s in that space that real growth happens so start small and approach it with kindness,” says Jo. “You’re not reflecting to fix yourself; you’re reflecting to meet yourself which is where all change begins.”